Personal boundaries are kind of like the unwritten ‘rules of engagement’ in our relationships.  They determine the way we communicate, how much we give of ourselves both physically and emotionally, and what we are willing to accept from others.  

“You can’t always get what you want…”

— And chances are you won’t get what you need either. Unless you ask.

Asking for what we want can be challenging.  Believe me, I know this first hand.  The kicker, though, is that we can’t expect other people to read our minds.  If there are things we seek — help, advice, needs to be met, hopes to be filled -- we kinda have to open our mouths and ask.

I met with a friend recently to make amends.  We had had a falling out and to be honest, I hadn't really known why.

My girlfriend was open with me and explained that I had said something at a dinner out with another friend that had been hurtful to her.  Afterwards, she had needed some space to reconcile herself with this and feel ready to speak to me about it.

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of all virtues, but the parent of all the others.”

- Marcus Tullius Cicero, ancient Roman philosopher and orator

I was recently involved in a Facebook-based challenge that had participants sharing 3 gratitudes on different topics for 21 days.  We were asked to consider people, places, objects, moments, and memories.  From time of day (the peacefulness of morning) to our high school years (ummm -- grateful they are over) to our own faces (my expressive eyes) and physical belongings (yes, I confess, my iphone!), it was wonderful to reflect on the innumerable things I am grateful for.

I recently took my 11-year-old son to see a talk by Neil Pasricha, author of The Book of Awesome and The Happiness Equation.  Neil writes about the ways we can all learn how to live happier, more satisfied lives.  

As we chatted over our pre-talk dinner of cornish hen and root vegetables, I pondered my decision to bring my boy to an event clearly geared for adults.  

“Perfect is the enemy of the good” -- Voltaire

I confess to being a recovering perfectionist.  Truthfully, perfectionism has been a devil on my shoulder for as long as I can remember, and it is a tendency that I still struggle with.  Perfectionism is a powerful beast, and one that can insidiously invade many aspects of life, creating a roadblock to courage, inner peace, and joy.

So I don’t claim to know much about music.  I don't play an instrument and I certainly don't sing (although I keep threatening to take vocal lessons with my girls’ teacher for pure personal enjoyment!).  What I do know is that I absolutely love music.  And I also know that it helps people.

Alarm off and my 9-year-old up with time to spare.  Healthy breakfast – not too filling, just substantial enough – eaten.  Skates recently sharpened and in the more-expensive-than-my-entire-wardrobe-at-that-age Zuca bag.  Dress, make-up, fancy-hair-making accoutrements packed by my girl the night before.  Gas in car, address confirmed, GPS set.  On the highway right within our target-to-leave range of 7-7:15 am.  Well. Done. Mom.

And then, 45 minutes later, as we register perfectly on time, we get the question: Music?  NOPE.

“I am obsessed with talking to strangers.”

This one phrase in Kio Stark’s TED talk had me completely hooked.  I, too, am obsessed with talking to strangers.  Kio described what I had long experienced on a visceral level but had yet to articulate.

I make it a habit to engage with strangers routinely in my day-to-day life.  Sometimes this interaction is a simple smile and a friendly hello.  Other times, it is a quick conversation in the checkout line at the grocery store.  My years as a doctor and therapist have confirmed what I consider to be a fundamental human need – to be seen and heard.  Looking at people and acknowledging them has, therefore, seemed like an honest way to help satisfy that need.  As Kio explains, it’s like saying “I see you there”.  In return, these brief encounters remind me to be mindful and present in-the-moment.  They help me to feel alive and connected and create opportunities for little unexpected pleasures.

My mentor, D, shared with me his own lucky-in-love story on the same day I later received Jonathan Field’s podcast, “The Truth About Luck”.  

Now, I am a science-minded girl, but more and more I am accepting that many things in life just ARE.  Fortunate happenstance, serendipity, coincidence, fate?  I don’t know.  But certainly, sometimes the stars just seem to be aligned and events occur that we cannot explain.  This, I am learning, is ok.  Actually, it is more than ok.  It is, quite frankly, part of the essence, the beauty, the magic of life.  So I looked at this coincidence of conversation and spent some time reflecting on two four-letter-words: luck & love.

According to the stats, nearly one-third of Canadians and over 40% of Americans make New Year’s resolutions.  The majority of these focus on creating a healthy family life or improving finances.  Classic resolutions we are likely to have made ourselves or know someone who has made include losing weight, getting fit, eating better, drinking less alcohol, spending less & saving more.

So how are we doing as we delve into the wintery wonderland of February?

For many physicians such as myself, traditional medicine is a way of life. We spend years sleeping, eating and breathing our work.  We are trained to make diagnoses or find what is “broken”; we create lists of disorders; and we administer treatments to cure or manage these disorders.  In effect, our work lives – and often our lives in general – become focused on identifying problems and fixing them in an attempt to restore “health”.

Who do you think you are?  Why should anyone listen to you?  What makes you think you are smart enough, qualified enough, or overall good enough to do this? These are some of the thoughts that have been running through my head since I first started thinking about introducing Dr. Tara’s Sunshine.

Yup - classic Imposter Syndrome.